The Rejection Theory ©2013

by Craig Mercier
(Lewiston, ME)

Author Craig Mercier

One of the biggest downfalls of dating is the fear of rejection. We put time and effort into making ours appearances look good, we sharpen our image further with a nice outfit and we bring to the table our charm in order to make that good first impression. Unfortunately despite all that effort we find ourselves back at square one looking for the next person that we have an interest in or has an interest in us. Now to most this is what we call "rejection" where someone realized their interest in us just wasn't what they thought and they chose to move on.

Rejection can be very hard for some especially if it happens more often than they would want it to. Should we call each date that doesn't lead to anything a sign of rejection or a lost of interest? Should we consider it a rejection when the person can't give us an answer as to why we don't meet their standards? These are all questions that tend to run through our mind when a date goes well, or so it seems, and then we just don't hear from the person again. How often do you find yourself asking these questions:

* Was I not pretty enough for him/her?
* What can I do different next time?
* Is that all he/she cares about is looks?
* Is it my weight that they have a problem with?
* I am no model but why does that matter to him/her?
* Am I too independent for him/her?

These questions can go on and on and on. Unfortunately for most they will never know the answer or the truth as to why someone chose not to go on another date or to get out of a relationship.

Now let's look at that nasty word we mentioned earlier "rejection". When we put ourselves out there for others to see, especially on singles dating sites, we may find ourselves wondering why those we write to don't respond back or a conversation carries on for several messages and then just stops. To those who think of this as a sign of rejection or non-interest are probably right but we can't look at it that way. Every person who puts himself or herself out there is obviously creating vulnerability that can't always be avoided. Let's look at the word "rejection" from a different standpoint.

When we feel rejected or turned down by those we attempt to purse us are not really being rejected or turned down. Like I mentioned before we all have a set of standards or criteria that we expect our future significant other to have in order to qualify as being dating or relationship material. In most cases these are unwritten so we have to play by ear and see where we sit if that person is willing to talk to us about it. If someone chooses to put you in a category that doesn't meet their standards then what they are really doing is saving you from getting too involved. Unfortunately some people take a more direct and harsh route to tell the person. STOP looking at a failed date or relationship as being a sign of rejection. Look at it as if they are saving you from making a mistake by choosing them.

They are the ones who are going to regret not pursuing you further. Some people just don't take the time to recognize how truly great a person can be. They made, what they think is a sound judgment, based on first appearance, personality and character. Some would say this is judging the book by its cover. Again I cannot emphasize enough that you are not being rejected they are protecting you from making a mistake by pursuing them. It is almost as if their subconscious is telling them to put that fish back in the sea and stop wasting their time. They are too good for you. They are a class above you so it's time to move on. Instead of hating them you should be thanking them. For those who feel rejection is a bad word, think again because really they just saved you from making a mistake.